It started with a prayer that you could help your loved one find their way out of the haze brought about by their addiction. After they agreed to go to the addiction treatment facility, you began to find relief. You started to take care of yourself by going to a 12-step program for families of addicts. You’re doing better, but like your loved one, you have a long way to go. The addiction treatment rehab program is almost over, and they want to come home. For some people, it’s the time when they return to their stations, waiting for the next blowup. For others, it’s time they’ve dreamed of when their loved one will be healed. Sadly, you can’t predict what will be; however, you can prepare for the homecoming in a rational and protective manner.
During the time of addiction treatment facility, you’ll have already gone through the house and done your best to see that it’s “clean.” Since your loved one is in a good place while in rehab, the time to ask where any “secret stashes” are located is during a family session at the rehab, and that’s the best opportunity for you to get an honest answer. You’ll also want to discuss boundaries, expectations, and consequences. After they agreed to go to the addiction treatment facility or even home treatments available like online suboxone clinic, you began to find relief.
When discussing boundaries, there are two things you can protect, i.e., your environment and yourself. You can’t protect your loved one. If they want to use it again, they’ll find a way. You’re just removing the problem from their vision. So, when establishing boundaries, define them as they relate to your comfort and know that they shouldn’t be developed to control your loved one. They have to own their actions and consequences. They also need to enjoy the gratification of healing on their own. That’s what the addiction treatment recovery community is there for, and it’ll know what help is appropriate to give and when. This brings us to the next issue: establishing consequences.
Be reasonable. Don’t expect them to be perfect because it’s unreal and unfair. They’re still who they were, just sober, and hopefully, in or on their way to a good recovery. Be definitive in your rules and ensure you can enforce the consequence without a second thought. If you say it, mean it. Threatening something is a waste of time and steals your credibility. You need for them to know that you won’t say something unless you mean it. Families of addicts are notorious for not following through. When you don’t do what you say you are going to do, you won’t be taken seriously the next time you say something.
We expect our loved ones to do all the right things when they return home and are disappointed when they don’t. This brings us to expectations. When we expect something from others, we set ourselves up for disappointment. Expectations of others are unfair to you or them. When you define your expectations of others, you’re attempting to control them. Remember that your objective is to restore calm and peace into your home. Your job isn’t to run or live their lives for them. You have your own life to live and need to focus your energy on yourself. If you return to your old habits, you’ll give the addict every reason to return to theirs.
You can have an effect on their outcome, even if you aren’t responsible for the choices they make. While the best situation for your loved one is to not return to the people, places, or things that accompanied their drug abuse, if you let them come home, be sure that you reduce whatever boundaries, expectations, and consequences you agree upon to clearly spelling out every nuance of the agreed-upon terms and conditions of their privilege to live in your home. This way, nobody will come back to say they didn’t understand it or that it isn’t as was agreed upon. Don’t be bullied, be calm, and know that you have the last say in the matter. Your leadership will influence those who are in need of your disciplinary love.
